When Best
Matters Most

Being able to recognise strengths in others, even those you don’t gel with, can help you see their possibilities and potential.

Do you struggle to see what’s best in your work colleagues, especially when your opinions don’t align?  If you’re honest - do you lock onto what they do that annoys or frustrates you, and get stuck in that thinking?  Naturally you do – you’re only human.  What would change if you could view your colleagues through a new lens?  What could be in it for you – and them?  Let’s find out.

Evolution has hardwired our brains to go straight to what’s wrong and not working: to find “flaws and inconsistencies in our environment” explains award-winning psychologist Ryan Niemiec, leading figure in the education, research, and practice of character strengths and Education Director of the VIA Institute on Character.  Ryan acknowledges that overcoming our natural negativity bias takes effort and practice and says “it would be a pretty tall order to overcome all of this and always look for … the good or the strength in everyone we encounter.” 

It’s great to know, however, that any of us can find strengths in others – if we choose to.  Strengths spotting can happen at any time, anywhere, no matter who you are with.  All it takes is understanding what to look for, so you can recognise a strength for what it is.  And what is a strength? Strengths are natural, in-built ways we engage with the world, that energise, motivate and support us to function at our very best. 

While you might have a good sense of your own strengths, what you are when you’re in your groove and time just flies, why look for these qualities in others?  It’s hard enough focusing on what is right with yourself, isn’t it?  Actually, it’s the opposite, says Ryan, with 95% of his global audiences saying it’s easier to find strengths in others. 

In his recent book, Ryan speaks of the opportunities that occur when strengths are used to “tap into and see the goodness in people.”  Being able to find strengths in others, even those you don’t gel with, can help you see their possibilities and potential.  At its most basic level, it can strengthen your connections and build interpersonal relationships.

The work of Distinguished Professor of Psychology and researcher at the University of North Carolina, Barbara Fredrickson, has shown that focusing on positive emotions can undo the narrowing, draining effects of negative emotions.  Noticing and sharing the strengths you find in others can build moments of genuine connection with the other person.  It helps you better appreciate what they have to offer and what you have in common.  This can lead to what Dr Fredrickson calls ‘positivity resonance’, where the positive emotions that you trigger in others are returned to you, like an echo.  It’s like a mutually reinforcing cycle that, in a micro-moment, binds you together with a gossamer thread of human connection.

If that sounds a bit magical, it is – yet no special powers are required.  As we increasingly interact with colleagues using technology, we often don’t have visuals or non-verbal cues to judge how well our relationships are tracking.  You can use the virtual context as the perfect chance to identify strengths and see for yourself how it plays out.

So – you’re willing to give it a go.  What’s next? 

Here’s a few key steps to help you focus on what’s best in others and enrich your relationships.

Notice – make a conscious decision to strength spot in a particular colleague and a specific context, like a meeting.  Pay attention and observe, or if there are no visuals, listen. Concentrate.  Strengths show up when you feel others come alive.  You may notice an energy shift; more movement, a louder voice and passion in their tone.  Your colleague could sit up straighter, eyes open wider, with more hand movement. They’ll sound more confident and knowledgeable, clear and focused.  Your strengths signposts are effortless, energetic and animated.

Name – the strength you have seen.  Whether or not you are familiar with strengths vocabularies, everyone has the language to name a strength.  Simply identify the word that best describes the strength you have seen – the best fit label for the strength you noticed.

Explain – what you saw.  This step brings the strength to your colleague’s attention. Your description should be specific enough that the person can understand what they did or said – that you are identifying as a strength. 

Recognise – This step follows closely from explain, where you highlight how their e.g. leadership or kindness, added value and the positive effects or outcomes it had.  This is an important step in helping the other person understand why it matters. It highlights their competence and contribution – and encourages future use.  Ryan suggests that you can recognise strengths in your workplace in conversations, after meetings, in emails, during phone calls or on social media.

What does it look like when it all comes together? It’s simply a case of saying

“Anna, your great planning really showed up today, when you took us through the deliverables, dates and lead times that we need to meet for the annual report. Your preparation and planning skills were critical to helping us understand exactly what we need to do and when – and will be key to helping us achieve our target.”

So – will you make the effort to find what’s best?

To remind yourself how to find the best in others and to understand the benefits, download our Strengths Finding poster.